So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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