life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
