I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
