One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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