Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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