Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
