Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
