kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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