Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
