Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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