I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
