I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
