She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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