the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish there were birth control emojis
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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