someone threw a dead crab at me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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