I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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