I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
