you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we're so committed to being not committed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
