The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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