we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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