Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
