I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
