Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
