I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
