Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
