I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
