Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
