I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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