make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
