Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
