what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk is a universal language darling
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