Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
