you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
