birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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