her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
