I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think i have herpe
just one?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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