Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
