Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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