yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
