..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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