There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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