I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
