Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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