I think I am morally bankrupt
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
