I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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