There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
