I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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