Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
