I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
