his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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